🤔 WTF is a "half-sandwich"?!?

I Never Do Anything Halfway... So Why Would My Lunch?

Once upon a time, in the bustling kingdom of Lunchtopia, there lived a tyrannical duo: Sir Soup and Lady Half-Sandwich. They ruled over the midday meal realm, imposing their half-hearted reign on unsuspecting diners far and wide.

Sir Soup, always simmering with self-importance, loved to boast.

"Behold my warm, comforting embrace. Grab a spoon!" he declared, sloshing around dramatically in his porcelain bowl.

But let’s face it, Sir Soup was often just a glorified puddle of water, with a few floating bits of vegetables clinging to their last shred of dignity.

Lady Half-Sandwich, on the other hand, prided herself on her demure appearance.

"I’m light, refined, and the perfect balance to Sir Soup’s hearty charm," she cooed, ignoring the fact that she was essentially half of what anyone actually wanted, a full, goddamn sandwich!

Her missing other half was likely lounging somewhere in the land of Unfulfilled Cravings, laughing at the mortals who paid the same price for less bread and fillings.

Their partnership was sold as "an elegant lunch option," but it was really just a scam.

"But together, we’re wholesome!" they cried. "We won’t weigh you down like those other meals. We’re manageable, convenient, and chic!"

Oh, please. The kingdom knew the truth.

Sir Soup was often lukewarm and limp by the time he arrived, and Lady Half-Sandwich left diners peering under her crusts, wondering if they'd accidentally bitten into another questionable crisis instead of the Hot Brown they ordered.

And yet, this duo persisted, appearing on menus as the go-to meal for the indecisive.

They found their stronghold in the cafes and delis of the land, spreading hunger pangs and disappointment wherever they went.

But one day, a wise chef named Chef Matthew (*wink* - an obvious hero, I am) rose up.

He declared, “Why settle for half a sandwich and a bowl of regret when you could feast like royalty?”

The citizens cheered, clanging full-sized sandwich platters and creamy bowls of bisque in celebration.

Together, they eighty-sixed the duo of mediocrity, banishing them to the dreaded realm of Forgotten Food Trends.

To this very day, Lunchtopia thrives on meals that are worth every bite, while Sir Soup and Lady Half-Sandwich sulk in obscurity, plotting their comeback, probably on some overpriced "seasonal tasting menu."

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What can I fix you to eat, my friend?